Advent / Christmas
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Cryptic Christmas Card
A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C
D E F G H I J
K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it
for weeks,
finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July
he received the
explanation on a postcard: "No L."
True story
The nativity play was going as planned and Joseph and
Mary were going from house to house knocking on the doors and
asking it there was any room for them. As they continued to get
"no room" answers a little voice called from the back "YOU SHOULD
HAVE BOOKED!" bringing the house down.
Didn't You Get My
E-Mail?
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual,
"And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute,
then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Who kissed Santa?
At my daughter's elementary school Christmas concert, a
first-grade girl introduced their song, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa
Claus" with clear, articulate, well-rehearsed speech, [and not in
the least aware of the mix-up], saying: "Oh, what Mommy
would have thought if she saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus!"
from Sally in GA
The Real Santa?
The local newscaster was with the crowd of parade watchers,
welcoming Santa as he arrived in town, and in a live interview
asked a boucey 4 yr old girl if she had talked with this Santa yet
to give him her Christmas list. "No" she replied infatically. "Are
you going to talk with Santa?" the newscaster asked. "NO" once
again was the most definite answer which was not the reaction that
he was expecting at all! "Why?" he curiously asked the
little one. "Because the real Santa is at the Mall."
THE VIRGIN BIRTH
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor
says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these
cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother
and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla
is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been
left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About
five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something
wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time
anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three
wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss
it this time!"
Save God the trouble
There was a young boy who was saying a prayer out loud one night
and his brother was listening to him. This boy asked God for a
fresh milkshake in the morning. His brother said: "just shake a
cow and milk it. It will save God the trouble."
A little help from Joseph
One day during our children's sermon, I was telling the kids about
how the angel came to Mary to tell her about how she would help
bring Jesus into the world. One little girl seemed puzzled
about this whole scene. Then another child asked what I
thought the first thing Mary would have asked for after the angel
left her. Instantly this little girl chimed in with "I'll
bet she asked for a little help from Joseph!
Who is the Real Virgin?
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she
floored her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of
Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
What Are The Three Gifts?
While participating in a chruch Christmas pageant many years past,
I had the good fortune to be chosen as the narrator. Each
rehearsal went off well and then on the night of the show, I, in a
loud and penetrating voice announced the gifts of the Magi as
"gold, Frankenstein and myrrh."
No Room In The Inn?
A boy wanted to be Joseph in the Sunday School pageant. He was
cast as the landlord and objected loudly, but to no avail. When
the pageant was presented, Mary and Joseph knocked on the door and
asked him if he had a room for them. The boy smiled and said,
"Yes, sure. Lots of room. Come on in!"
Charge It
The store's Santa Claus gave Jeanie a candy cane. Her
mother says, "What do you say, Jeanie?" Jeanie looks up at Santa
and says, "Charge it!" Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping
Ground, KY
Pontius Who?
At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures
illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed
one little boy was drawing an airplane! "Oh, what Bible story are
you drawing?" she asked. "This is the Flight into Egypt," the
little boy answered. "See, here is Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus.
And this," he said, pointing to the front of the plane, "is
Pontius. He's the Pilot."
Same Name?
A little boy named Nicholas told the store's Santa Claus:
"You and I have the same name." Santa says: "Well, hello
Harold." Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping Ground, KY
Going the wrong way in the "Advent Rush"
While a man had gone out driving to do some Christmas shopping,
his wife had been watching TV when she heard the announcer say,
"be very careful and watch driving on I5 today, there is a
motorist driving the wrong way"! His wife got hold of him on the
cell phone to warn him, and his reply was: "You tell me, there are
hundreds of them here".
The Wrong Gift
The parents began to assemble the special Christmas gift they had
for their children. They had ordered a kit for a tree house and
received the plans for it. However, the materials they received
were for a sailboat. They wrote the company to complain. The
company's reply: "While we regret the inconvenience this mistake
must have cause you, it is nothing compared to that of the man who
is out on a lake somewhere trying to sail your tree house." Bud
Brooks, Stamping Ground, KY
God's Not Deaf
Two young boys were spending the night at their
grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two
boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The younger one
began praying at the top of his lungs:
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are
you shouting? God isn't deaf." to which the little brother
replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Actual children's versions of Christmas Carols:
"...sleep in heavenly peas";
"Joy to the world, the Savior rains";
"This is he whom Sears of old...";
"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plane";
"While shepherds washed their socks by night
None of Them Are Toys!
When my daughters were little I would always tell them around
Christmas that this is Jesus' birthday and he only received 3
things so do not be disappointed in what lies under the tree. When
it came time for worship on Christmas morning, I asked the
children what they thought Jesus would think of Santa and all the
hype. Would he ask Santa a question? My youngest daughter replied,
"I think Jesus would ask how come I only got three things and none
of them were toys?" ... SAL Ridgeway Ontario
Viking Mary
When my son was 8 years of age, He was in a Christmas Pageant at
our church. His line started "And the Virgin Mary was with Child."
He did his line correctly at every rehearsal. On the night the of
the presentation everything was going wonderful. All the children
were relaxed and reciting their lines without flaw. It came time
for my son to recite his line and this is exactly how it came out:
"And the Viking Mary was with Child." It was quite a job for all
the adults watching the presentation to restrain ourselves and not
bellow out in laughter. ...Patty Louisiana
The Three Gifts
After the Christmas pageant, I asked my 6-year-old son if he
remembered the gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. He thought
for a minute then said "gold, frankincense, and humor". We could
all use that!
