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Advent / Christmas
 

         


Cryptic Christmas Card

A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I J
K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks,
finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July he received the
explanation on a postcard: "No L."
 

True story
The nativity play was going as planned and Joseph and Mary were going from house to house knocking on the doors and asking it there was any room for them. As they continued to get "no room" answers a little voice called from the back "YOU SHOULD HAVE BOOKED!" bringing the house down.

Didn't You Get My E-Mail?
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"  

Who kissed Santa?
At my daughter's elementary school Christmas concert, a first-grade girl introduced their song, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" with clear, articulate, well-rehearsed speech, [and not in the least aware of the mix-up], saying:  "Oh, what Mommy would have thought if she saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus!"
from Sally in GA

The Real Santa?
The local newscaster was with the crowd of parade watchers, welcoming Santa as he arrived in town, and in a live interview asked a boucey 4 yr old girl if she had talked with this Santa yet to give him her Christmas list. "No" she replied infatically. "Are you going to talk with Santa?" the newscaster asked. "NO" once again was the most definite answer which was not the reaction that he was expecting at all!  "Why?" he curiously asked the little one. "Because the real Santa is at the Mall."

THE VIRGIN BIRTH
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

Save God the trouble
There was a young boy who was saying a prayer out loud one night and his brother was listening to him.  This boy asked God for a fresh milkshake in the morning.  His brother said: "just shake a cow and milk it. It will save God the trouble."

A little help from Joseph
One day during our children's sermon, I was telling the kids about how the angel came to Mary to tell her about how she would help bring Jesus into the world.  One little girl seemed puzzled about this whole scene.  Then another child asked what I thought the first thing Mary would have asked for after the angel left her.  Instantly this little girl chimed in with "I'll bet she asked for a little help from Joseph!

Who is the Real Virgin?
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.  Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?  The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

What Are The Three Gifts?
While participating in a chruch Christmas pageant many years past, I had the good fortune to be chosen as the narrator. Each rehearsal went off well and then on the night of the show, I, in a loud and penetrating voice announced the gifts of the Magi as "gold, Frankenstein and myrrh."

No Room In The Inn?
A boy wanted to be Joseph in the Sunday School pageant. He was cast as the landlord and objected loudly, but to no avail. When the pageant was presented, Mary and Joseph knocked on the door and asked him if he had a room for them. The boy smiled and said, "Yes, sure. Lots of room. Come on in!"

Charge It
The store's Santa Claus gave Jeanie a candy cane.  Her mother says, "What do you say, Jeanie?"  Jeanie looks up at Santa and says, "Charge it!"  Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping Ground, KY

Pontius Who?
At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was drawing an airplane! "Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?" she asked.  "This is the Flight into Egypt," the little boy answered.  "See, here is Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And this," he said, pointing to the front of the plane, "is Pontius. He's the Pilot."

Same Name?
A little boy named Nicholas told the store's Santa Claus:
"You and I have the same name."  Santa says:  "Well, hello
Harold."  Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground CC, Stamping Ground, KY

Going the wrong way in the "Advent Rush"
While a man had gone out driving to do some Christmas shopping, his wife had been watching TV when she heard the announcer say, "be very careful and watch driving on I5 today, there is a motorist driving the wrong way"! His wife got hold of him on the cell phone to warn him, and his reply was: "You tell me, there are hundreds of them here".

The Wrong Gift
The parents began to assemble the special Christmas gift they had for their children.   They had ordered a kit for a tree house and received the plans for it.   However, the materials they received were for a sailboat.  They wrote the company to complain.  The company's reply:  "While we regret the inconvenience this mistake must have cause you, it is nothing compared to that of the man who is out on a lake somewhere trying to sail your tree house."  Bud Brooks, Stamping Ground, KY  

God's Not Deaf
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The younger one began praying at the top of his lungs:

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." to which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Actual children's versions of Christmas Carols:

"...sleep in heavenly peas";
"Joy to the world, the Savior rains";
"This is he whom Sears of old...";
"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plane";
"While shepherds washed their socks by night

None of Them Are Toys!
When my daughters were little I would always tell them around Christmas that this is Jesus' birthday and he only received 3 things so do not be disappointed in what lies under the tree. When it came time for worship on Christmas morning, I asked the children what they thought Jesus would think of Santa and all the hype. Would he ask Santa a question? My youngest daughter replied, "I think Jesus would ask how come I only got three things and none of them were toys?" ... SAL Ridgeway Ontario


 

 

 
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