The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured,
regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary
and central component or heart. This is due to a malfunction in the
original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same
defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically
termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly
known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral
Some other symptoms are:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component
The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect,
is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge
to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the
world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is:
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction,
voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and
problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit
being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on
J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide.
A lesson on GREED:
A young, very successful, career oriented man was driving his
prized possession, (his $100,000 Porsche Automobile) one night when
he had a terrible accident. He flipped the car several times. When
the police arrived, he was walking around in a daze saying: "Oh no,
not my Porsche, not my Porsche". The Police officer took one look
at him and said: "Sir, we've got to get you to the hospital, you're
bleeding terribly". It was as if the young man didn't hear him, he
just kept repeating: "Oh no, not my Porsche". Finally, the Police
officer walked around him to check out all of his injuries. He
frantically cried out to the young man: "we've got to get you to a
hospital, your left arm has been cut-off in the accident", to which
the young man replied: "oh no, not my Rolex too!"
THE SENILITY PRAYER
God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
A woman went up to a highly respected clergyman and asked
him, "How would you cope with a serious drink problem?"
He replied, "With a corkscrew, madam."
Pray for the dyslexic devil-worshipper. He sold his soul to
BILLBOARD MESSAGES IN FLORIDA
You think it's hot here? - God
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. - God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. - God
What part of "thou Shalt Not..."didn't you understand? - God
Have you read my #1 best seller? (There will be a test) - God
Do you have any idea where you're going? - God
Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. - God
That "love thy neighbor" thing, I meant it. - God
My way is the highway. - God
Don't make me come down there. - God
I don't question your existence. - God
Two men were marooned on an Island. One man pased back and forth
worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning
himself. The first man said to the second man, "arn't you afraid we
are about to die." "No," said the second man, "for you see I make
$100,000 per week and I tithe faithfully to my church ever week. My
Pastor will find me."
Pete and Sally had been married for 59 years, not always happily
- by the way. Pete had recently been hospitalisedwith a sever
illness. The doctor has told Pete and Sally to go home as there is
no hope for Pete. It is a matter of hours, and Pete might as well
die at home.
Sally takes Pete home, tucks him in bed, and pats his head as
she carries on with her tasks.
Pete lays in bed pondering his remaining hours when an aroma
comes wafting up the stairs. Pete cries, "Sally, what's that smell?"
He struggles out of bed when she does not answer the call, and he
crawls to the door. Once again he cries out, "Honey, what's that
smell? It smells so good." Again there is no answer, so Pete musters
all his remaining strength and crawls down the stairs to the
kitchen. He rises up as high as his strength will allow and there on
the counter, the table, on everywhere, are giant chocolate chip
cookies cooling. She does really love me after all, he thinks. She
has made my favorite cookie for me before I die.
With all his reaming strength he pulls himself up on his feet
and staggers to the closest cookie. He is just about to take a big
bite of the warm and moist treat when a rolling pin nails him of the
head and Sally says, "Don't you take one bite of even one of those
cookies. Those cookies are for the funeral."
One day an elderly Kansas farmer
from a small community was referred to one of the big Kansas City
hospitals. Asked about his religion, he answered, "I'm an
Episcopalian." The local parish priest came to visit him.
"I see you are an Episcopalian."
"Yessir. Have been all my life."
"Which parish do you belong to?"
"Well, sir, I don't think I belonged to a parish."
"Which bishop confirmed you?"
"Well, now, sir, I don't rightly think I ever saw a bishop."
"But you listed yourself as an Episcopalian."
"Well, once when I was a young man, I went into a church, and all
the people in that church were saying all together, 'We have left
undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done
those things which we ought not to have done'. And ever since then,
I knew I was an Episcopalian."