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Religious Humor        

The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component or heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.

Some other symptoms are:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component

The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect, at numerous locations throughout the world. The number to call for the recall station in your area is:

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S for prompt assistance at any location worldwide.


A lesson on GREED:

A young, very successful, career oriented man was driving his prized possession, (his $100,000 Porsche Automobile) one night when he had a terrible accident.  He flipped the car several times.  When the police arrived, he was walking around in a daze saying:  "Oh no, not my Porsche, not my Porsche".  The Police officer took one look at him and said: "Sir, we've got to get you to the hospital, you're bleeding terribly".  It was as if the young man didn't hear him, he just kept repeating:  "Oh no, not my Porsche".  Finally, the Police officer walked around him to check out all of his injuries.  He frantically cried out to the young man:  "we've got to get you to a hospital, your left arm has been cut-off in the accident", to which the young man replied:  "oh no, not my Rolex too!"



God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


A woman went up to a highly respected clergyman and asked him, "How would you cope with a serious drink problem?"
He replied, "With a corkscrew, madam."


Pray for the dyslexic devil-worshipper.  He sold his soul to Santa!



You think it's hot here? - God

Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. - God

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. - God

What part of "thou Shalt Not..."didn't you understand? - God

Have you read my #1 best seller? (There will be a test) - God

Do you have any idea where you're going? - God

Let's meet at My house Sunday before the game. - God

That "love thy neighbor" thing, I meant it. - God

My way is the highway. - God
Don't make me come down there. - God
I don't question your existence. - God


Two men were marooned on an Island.  One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself.  The first man said to the second man, "arn't you afraid we are about to die."  "No," said the second man, "for you see I make $100,000 per week and I tithe faithfully to my church ever week.  My Pastor will find me."


Pete and Sally had been married for 59 years, not always happily - by the way. Pete had recently been hospitalisedwith a sever illness. The doctor has told Pete and Sally to go home as there is no hope for Pete. It is a matter of hours, and Pete might as well die at home.
     Sally takes Pete home, tucks him in bed, and pats his head as she carries on with her tasks.
     Pete lays in bed pondering his remaining hours when an aroma comes wafting up the stairs. Pete cries, "Sally, what's that smell?" He struggles out of bed when she does not answer the call, and he crawls to the door. Once again he cries out, "Honey, what's that smell? It smells so good." Again there is no answer, so Pete musters all his remaining strength and crawls down the stairs to the kitchen. He rises up as high as his strength will allow and there on the counter, the table, on everywhere, are giant chocolate chip cookies cooling. She does really love me after all, he thinks. She has made my favorite cookie for me before I die.
     With all his reaming strength he pulls himself up on his feet and staggers to the closest cookie. He is just about to take a big bite of the warm and moist treat when a rolling pin nails him of the head and Sally says, "Don't you take one bite of even one of those cookies. Those cookies are for the funeral."


One day an elderly Kansas farmer from a small community was referred to one of the big Kansas City hospitals. Asked about his religion, he answered, "I'm an Episcopalian." The local parish priest came to visit him.

"I see you are an Episcopalian."
"Yessir. Have been all my life."

"Which parish do you belong to?"
"Well, sir, I don't think I belonged to a parish."

"Which bishop confirmed you?"
"Well, now, sir, I don't rightly think I ever saw a bishop."
"But you listed yourself as an Episcopalian."

"Well, once when I was a young man, I went into a church, and all the people in that church were saying all together, 'We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done'. And ever since then, I knew I was an Episcopalian."


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