Gender Role Humor
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she
requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for
her memorial service, she wrote, "They Wouldn't take me out while
I was alive -- I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
One day a preacher came home and saw his wife in a brand new red
dress. He looked at her and said "
didn't I say that you weren't supposed
to get any more clothes?"
Embarrassed the wife replied " yes, but Satan
tempted me and told me it looked good from the front!" The
preacher a little startled by what just came out of his wife's
mouth then replied saying " didn't I tell you to say "Satan
get thee behind me?" She replied saying " yes, but when I said
that he said it looks good from back here too!!"
A couple were married for 30 years, and on Valentines Day, they
were sitting at the breakfast table. He was burried behind his
newspaper, and except for the occasional: "unbelievable" he
muttered there was no conversation between the couple. So she
finally asked him straight out: "do you still love me?" He finally
puts down the newspaper and responds in a matter-of-factly tone:
"honey, 30 years ago at that altar I said that I did and if
anything changes, you'll be the first to know."
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee.
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here
so you should do it."
The wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replied, "Yeah, right!" So she showed him in the Bible
where it says: "HEBREWS"
A couple were married for 30 years, and on Valentines Day, they
were sitting at the breakfast table. He was burried behind his
newspaper, and except for the occasional: "unbelievable" he
muttered there was no conversation between the couple. So she
finally asked him straight out: "do you still love me?" He finally
puts down the newspaper and responds in a matter-of-factly tone:
"honey, 30 years ago at that altar I said that I did and if
anything changes, you'll be the first to know."
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee.
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here
so you should do it."
The wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replied, "Yeah, right!" So she showed him in the Bible
where it says: "HEBREWS"
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room
where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor
came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of
bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only
hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to
pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as
they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone
asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly
responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,
avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask: "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire
group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark down the price of the female brains, because... they've
actually been used!"
How Many men does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to hold the light bulb while the earth revoles around him.
Which is worse, a man who will not tell the truth or a woman
who will not let him get away with telling a lie?
A man was pulled over by a policeman and asked if he knew he
was going too fast. He said, " I'm sorry officer. I had my cruise
control on and just forgot the speed limit changed." His wife
said, "Harry, I told you two miles ago that you were speeding."
Harry gives his wife a dirty look as the officer pulls out his
ticket book.
"By the way, sir, did you know that your left rear signal lense
was broken?" the policeman asks, to which Harry replies, "Oh wow,
it must have just happened in the mall parking lot we just left."
His wife again interrupts and says, "Harry, how can you sit there
and lie to that nice policeman? I told you to fix that three weeks
ago!" Harry gives another look that could kill as the officer
starts writing.
The policeman adds,"I am going to have to cite you for not
wearing your seatbelt, also." Harry says,"I just unbuckled as you
came up to the car so I could get to my driver's license if you
needed it." The little lady pipes up, "Harry, you know good and
well, I tell you all the time that you better buckle up, 'cause
YOU NEVER WEAR YOUR SEATBELT!"
Having taken all he can stand Harry turns to his tormentor and
says with great exasperation, "Woman would keep your big mouth
shut!"
Now the officer looks at and addresses the little lady and
asks,"does he verbally abuse you like this often, ma'am?"
Says she, "Oh no, only when he has had one drink too many."
After God created man, he rested. But after God created woman,
neither God nor man rested.
Adam and Eve were enjoying another day in paradise, just lying
peacefully by a stream, when Eve asked Adam wht he was thinking.
"Oh, nothing, really" was his reply.
Suddenly, Eve jumped up and grabbed Adam. She began frantically
poking him in the chest. "Woman," Adam shouted, "just what do you
think you're doing?" Eve stared him dead in the eyes and shouted
back, "Be quiet! I'm counting your ribs!"
Understanding Women
A man was walking along a California beach and was in deep
prayer to the Lord. He said, "Lord, you have promised to give me
the desires of my heart. Please give a confirmation that you will
grant my wish." Suddenly the sky darkened and the Lord, in a
booming voice said, "I have searched your heart and determined it
to be pure. I think that I can trust that you will not disappoint
me. Because you have been faithful to me, I will grant you one
wish." The man said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm
deathly afraid of flying and I get very sea sick in boats. Could
you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive there whenever I
want?" The Lord laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of
the logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of
the Pacific? Think of the concrete and steel! Your request is very
materialistic and disappointing. I could do it but it's hard for
me to justify. Take a little more time and make another wish, one
you think would honor and glorify Me." After much thought, the man
said, "I"ve been married 4 times. My wives always said that I was
insensitive to their needs. So I wish that I could understand
women. I want to know how they feel and what they're thinking. I
want to know why they cry and how to make them truly happy. That's
my wish, Lord."Then, after a few minutes, God said, "You want two
lanes or four on that bridge?"
What did God say after he created man?..... I can do better
than this, so he created woman.
Adam and Eve are walking out of the garden. Adam looks at Eve
and says," Babe I guess you know you just eat us out of house and
home".
