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Sinners and Publicans
As a Canadian, I was quite interested with the recent U.S.
presidential election. Our political systems are quite different.
That difference reminded me of an American missionary who came to
speak at our church years ago. As he spoke quickly & with little use
of his notes, he had a slip of the tongue & instead of speaking
about the sinners & publicans Jesus associated with, he mentioned
the sinners & Republicans! (I hope any Republicans will laugh at
this true story).
A politician woke up after an operation to find the curtains
(drapes) in his room tightly drawn. "Why are the curtains closed?"
he asked the nurse. "Is it night time?"
"No" the nurse replied, "But there is a fire across the road and
we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had been
If you get an envelope from a company called the "Internal
Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT!
This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their
letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use
to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States
government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to
fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects.
This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the
Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your
regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA
uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the
IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard
working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!
Please copy this envelope in triplicate according to the
guidelines of the "Paperwork Augmentation Act" of 1999 and then tear
up all three of these envelopes a hundred pieces and send the pieces
to the following address:
IRS, "FORM 1040 - NOT EZ" - Rejected Refunds Division Office
1600, Room 412, Cubicle 13, Desk 7, Filing Cabinet 6, Drawer 3,
Space 62, Folder 5 Washington, DC 20000-0000
Wisdom from George W:
"You've heard it said: "if someone strikes you on the right cheek,
turn to him the other also," but I say unto you: "if someone even
looks like they might have the ability to strike, nuke 'em!"
submitted by STK
The Pope was travelling by limousine to an appointment in Dallas.
The Pope kept trying to hurry the driver. Frustrated and running
late, He insisted that they trade places. The Pope sped down the
freeway in the limo far exceeding the speed limit. A police officer
pulled him over, and called in to his chief,".....I don't know WHO
is in the back of the limousine,.....but THE POPE is driving for
him!" No ticket was issued.
God summons Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates to a
meeting. At the meeting he told them he was coming again and the end
of the world was next week. Go back and prepare. Boris Yeltsin
summons his parliament and told them he had two things to tell them
and both were bad news. 1. There is a God. 2. The end of the world
is next week. Bill Clinton went back and summoned the Senate and
said I have good news and bad news. 1. There is a god. 2. the end of
the world is next week. Bill Gates went back and called his board
meeting and said I have two items of good news. 1. I am one of the
three most important men in the world. 2. There is no millennium bug
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. St. Peter met her at the
gate and ushered her in. Hilliary looked around and saw clocks
everywhere. She said to St. Peter "Why are all these clocks here?"
St. Peter replied, "Hilliary, everytime someone on earth told a lie,
one second moved on the clock." Hilliary looked around and saw one
clock that that not "ticked off" one second. She asked "Whose clock
is that?" St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's clock. She
never told a lie in her life." "That's wonderful," Hilliary replied.
She looked at another clock and it appeared two seconds had "ticked
off." Whose clock is that? Hillialry inquired. "That's Abraham
Lincoln's clock" St. Peter replied. "He only told two lies in his
life." That's amazing! Hilliary replied. She then asked St. Peter
"Where's Bill's clock, St. Peter?" "Oh, it's upstairs" St. Peter
replied. "Jesus is using it as a ceiling fan!"
Two lifelong friends had a running argument. The black friend
would argue that God was black, and the white friend would disagree
and say that God was white. One day, they decided to go fishing. On
the way back, they were still arguing about whether or not God was
black or white. Before they knew it, they where in an accident, and
they found themselves in heaven. When they got there, St. Peter met
them at the Pearly gates. Again, the question was was brought up,
"Is God black or white?" St. Peter told them to have a seat in the
waiting room and God would come out and talk to them. While they
were waiting, they continued to argue whether God was black or
white. Then they heard some loud footsteps coming and they turned to
see God. The door swung open and God stepped in and said to the men,
"Buenas tardes, caballeros!"
A little boy needed $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to
pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing
turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the
$100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed
to God, they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The
President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed
his secretary to send the little boy $5.00. He thought $5.00 would
be lot of money to the little boy. The little boy was delighted with
the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God, which
read as follows: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the
money. I noticed that You had to send it through Washington; as
usual, those morons deducted $95.00. Thanks anyway!
A freshman in college started his first day of classes. His
professor was clearly an atheist, and started the day by saying the
following: "Students, is there anyone here who can see God? If so,
raise your hand. If there is anyone here who can hear God, raise
your hand. If there is anyone who can smell God, raise your hand."
After a short pause, with no response from the students, he
concluded, "Since no one can see, smell or hear God, there is no
God." A student then raised his hand and asked to address the class.
The Student approached the class and asked, "Students, can anyone
here see the professor's brain? Can anyone here hear the professor's
brain? Can anyone here smell the professor's brain?" After a short
pause, he concluded, "Since no one can see, hear or smell the
professor's brain, I conclude that he has no brain!